Gator Grabbing, Medical Malpractice, and You

Dave Matthews - Molly Hatchet

Over the first quarter of this century, I make an annual trip down to south Louisiana to hunt alligators.

There are two kinds of hunts - the first involves participating in what’s known as the Harvest. That begins the first Wednesday after Labor Day. If you’ve ever seen the TV show Swamp People - that’s what we do.

Wait, what?! Isn’t that dangerous?

Not really.

But there used to be real money involved. When we started out, gators were fetching about $30 a foot. Kill a 10 footer and that’s $300 without much more than a .22 round, a chicken quarter (bait hung from a tree), and gas for the boat. Times over 60 tags - that’s real money for a week of work.

And it’s work. Like work, work. Dead gators are heavy. Whilst in a jon boat with half a dozen other very dead alligators in a quickly warming south Louisiana morning on the bayou?

Smelly. Wear boots.

Prices have come down due to commercial farming, so now it’s mainly a nuisance Harvest in which the goal is keeping the population in check.

What’s the other kind?

Grabbing. We go out at night and grab them by the back of the neck.

This is exponentially more dangerous and profoundly stupid. It’s also not sober, so…

We go out at night with two spotlights, spot gators, and try to come up behind and grab them by the back of the neck.

And then what?

Well, we pull them into the boat, take pictures, and toss them back.

And this is fun?

Hilarious.

We take the kids out, too. They love it.

AND THE MOTHER’S???

Not thrilled.

One night, I called Michele to tell her I caught a five footer.

Her reply?

“Where was John????”

Having just turned 10, John was not about to be put in the position of catching an alligator on a very dark night on a Louisiana bayou. I mean, C’mon…

No, John was right next to me holding the bow light port side. Did I mention it was an open bow? Michele was…unenthused.

“Wait, where was NORA???”

Almost 13, Nora was in the back of the boat holding a spotlight and drinking a Coors Light.

Clearly not my finest moment as a Dad, but my kids did get to come home and tell their friends.

My reception back home, however, was more…frosty.

It’s funnier now.

Oh that’s great. Michele thinks it’s funny now.

Uh…no. Fourteen years later and…yeah, no.

Me, Nora (12), and not John. That’s Evan the son of our host, Steve.

Fun story, Sax. What’s the point?

2nd and 3rd Order Economic Effects and Politics.

2nd order - as the price of gators killed and tagged goes down, less and less gators are caught.

3rd order - more gators grow up, get bigger, and compete for food in and, now, AROUND the bayou. Meaning further and further away from where THEY used to hunt - since there are more of them. They, too, are hunted. By other, larger gators. Year ‘round.

Over this last weekend, Steve was visiting the farm (mainly sugar cane) that is around that bayou and he went on a walk that we have walked for over two decades. Straight mile out and straight mile back. Flat. Hot and humid, but flat. Up to three laps or six miles.

I have never seen a gator on that walk before. Done it a hundred plus times.

Steve sent me a picture from that very walk of a six footer which means at least nine years old.

4th order? Fewer dogs and cats.

The biggest gator we have ever killed out on the water is an eleven footer or about 25-30 years old. (pic below)

Now let’s pivot…

Medical Malpractice - 2nd, 3rd, 4th Orders of Effect

Below is a text exchange between a Virginia doctor and his friend who sent me the texts with the permission of the doctor.

Doctor, not fan of President Trump, is on the Left side. By not a fan, I mean HATES Trump. Just for context.

1st order - more lawsuits will be brought and settle out of court for MUCH higher awards.

Okay - there are, in fact, doctors who screw up and patients are, in fact, victims of that and deserve to be compensated. No one disputes that.

We all have or have heard of these stories - personally. Health care is, after all, VERY personal.

2nd order - increased risk of those higher insurance claims/awards paid out means insurance carriers conduct long term risk analysis concluding their financial coverage of doctors is no longer worth the investment. They move that investment out of Virginia before legislation takes effect. (see above)

3rd order - fewer carriers of Med Mal insurance means less competitive market on TOP of higher awards and financial payouts.

4th order - more tests are ordered to mitigate risk of insurance claims, increasing the cost of health care.

5th order…6th order…etc…

As noted above - doctors stop seeing Medicaid patients due to lower gross and net income vs time spent with higher paying patients. #MathStillMaths

Which patients are more likely to bring a lawsuit?

Eventually, like hungry gators, doctors NEED to leave the market. #StudentDebtMath

Fewer doctors in the area. Longer waits.

Next order “I can’t see a doctor. I’m young and healthy. Why should I pay for this health care premium? I have other bills to pay. If I need a doctor, I’ll just go to the Emergency Room.”

Fewer payers into the health care system as health care costs go up.

Insurance carriers charge more to those who do pay.

Premiums go up.

“Well, then we’ll live healthier!”

No. You won’t. We haven’t yet.

Some people will still insist on going out on the bayou, at night, trying to grab a damn alligator for the sole purpose of taking a picture with it.

While not sober.

“We’ll outlaw that!” “SAVE THE CHILDREN!”

“Not now, Michele.”

<end scene>

More gators. Bigger gators. Move inland.

Less dogs and cats.

Next order - save money on pet food.

Thank GOD data centers don’t need doctors.

One morning’s hunt of saving puppies and kittens

Not all heroes wear capes.